Mothers

It is seriously almost April.  Oi...these last months have cruised by about as fast as a turtle stuck in tar!  No, daily it seems to go slowly but collectively time is flying by.  Before I know it I'll be a mother, RJ a father, my parents will be Grandparents!  And the biggest part of this story is little baby girl becomes the daughter...the one and only sweet girl in our house.

If you have talked to RJ or I in the last months then you know that this sweet girl has developed quite the personality in utero so I just can't believe what's in store when she's actually before my eyes.  I need a little challenge and I know I've learned so much from this experience already that I'm excited to see what else is to come.

Each day I have tried to learn something new.  About myself, my family, this little baby and successfully my range of motion has stretched my mind in ways I didn't know were possible.  I love laying down at night and having the lessons bathe my senses.  Sometimes they come as a review of things from the past but mostly there are thoughts and realizations of how life can be for me, others.  How I can strive to push myself.  How I can accept and offer change a helping hand.  It's really quite an amazing, introspective process and I know it's one that is continually fluid.

There is one concept that I continue to struggle with and it's hard to completely put into words what I would like to wrap my brain around.  Throughout history...which ever path in history you follow...the word Mother is synonymous with the very best!  Yes, there are many stories about Mothers letting children down and vice versa or expectations not being met.  My over active thinking has branched these concepts into about 300 possibilities of what a mother can mean personally, figuratively.  Not only am I becoming a mother but my sisters are becoming motherly figures to my daughter and my mothers (yes, all of you) are taking on the guiding roll of grandmother.  Don't let this lead you to believe I place less value on the roll of fathers, uncles, grandfathers.  Men are KEY figures in any child's life...especially a little girls.  My father has always been front and center in my life and I believe I was drawn to qualities RJ has because I expected goodness from men...which RJ clearly exudes.  I don't worry about others and their ability to step up to the plate and swing away and I KNOW I have many who will support me when I stumble as a mother.  I just want Greycin (yes, that's sweet girls name) to be proud of me.  To claim me as her mother.  I absolutely can't imagine the feeling of being called mommy, mother, mom, mama...for the first time!!!  It's been an unrealized dream of mine for years and one that has meant the world to me when my nieces or nephews have said I was like a mom...it's a blessing and treasure!  I know my words mostly run together in senseless rambling but I need to start clearing some of this out so I can just relax into the final weeks of my pregnancy and at last welcome Greycin to her new home...and guide her as her mother through her test which is life.

Thank you all for your kind words of support, health, strength and all the well wishes.  I know I have felt them and I know this is a wonderful time in life!

Much Love!